I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
