ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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