I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
