ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i already hear my dad disowning me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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