Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
