I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
