Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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