I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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