i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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