Bisexual people are plain selfish.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
