you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Houston, we have a squirter
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
