Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
