i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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