I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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