good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
