I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i dont even know how to be here
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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