it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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