$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
