tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
