Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
