My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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