Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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