Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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