Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
