Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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