just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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