this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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