Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
