i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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