been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
