Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
