I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
