wat bout pragnant strippers??
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They have beer where we have blood.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
