My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
