This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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