How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
