No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
