Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
