Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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