Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
