i wish peter jackson would direct porn
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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