If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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