Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
