i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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