good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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