My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
