They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
