The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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