Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
