so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
