Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
