I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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