ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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